Oh don’t look at me like that.


This is Burt – one of the two cats that, if it was up to me, would be in a bag at the bottom of the Thames. My late wife wanted a cat and I said ok as long as I had nothing to do it: no feeding, no cleaning up after, no trips to the vet. (Oh don’t look at me like that. I know some men who made a deal like that about children.) So she came home with two cats and they grow up to be the biggest freekin animals you have ever seen. Seriously, when Burt jumps on your lap it makes you say, “Hoomph.”

The other thing that happens when Burt jumps on your lap is your pulse starts to race and you sweat. Burt has maimed and debilitated more people than most Japanese game shows. They use to leave me alone but now that I feed them, the cats treat it as their duty to sit on my lap every time I make one. (A lap isn’t a lap when you are standing up – it’s just the front of your trousers.)

I can’t get rid of them because my son loves them but I do have them on a high cholesterol diet.


3 Responses to “Oh don’t look at me like that.”

  1. DJ Kirkby Says:

    Can’t stop laughing…G’wan admit it, won’t you miss them a ‘teensy’ bit when they are gone? Great pic, we have a ‘Werecat’ who can cause injury with looks like that.

  2. ymp Says:

    I know that look.
    High cholesterol diet for cats…I’ll mention that to my stepmother who will not mourn too much when the two family cats die…

  3. That’s No Reason to Throw Things « John Lenahan’s Year of Gratuitous Socks Says:

    […] me and they are nice socks but I don’t like the NSPCC. Now before you think I hate children as well as cats I want to stress that I am sure the NSPCC does sterling and necessary work and despite what my son […]

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