The Housekeeper of Lenahan Lodge

My friend, comedian John Maloney, has a line I like. He says, “My wife and I have been married for fifteen years and we have only had one argument – it’s lasted fifteen years.”

That pretty much sums up my marriage with Caroline. The only argument my late wife and I ever had was about how messy I am. And trust me, I am messy. I often think as I walk through my house that things just magically collapse behind me.

Now that I am the head housekeeper of Lenahan Lodge it has deteriorate into a cluttered mess that is increasingly getting worse. My theory is that I’m going to let it get to the point where I can’t stand it anymore and just move.

My son Finbar slipped into the bachelor pad lifestyle pretty quickly. It started not long after my wife died. I remember Finbar sitting on the sofa watching television when I offered to get him some ice cream. In the kitchen I realised that there was just one serving left, so I poured a little chocolate sauce directly into the Häagen–Dazs tub and threw a spoon.

When I handed it to him he looked at me confused and asked, “I can eat it out of the tub?”

With a wicked smile I replied, “Meet the new boss.”