Posts Tagged ‘Sockshop’

So Sick of Socks

28,May, 2008

One of the other reasons for my posting delinquency is – socks. I have written very little about socks in the last couple of months and I wouldn’t blame any of you for suspecting that I have abandoned my ‘new pair of socks a day’ experiment but you would be wrong.

I haven’t been writing about my socks because I am embarrassed to tell you that I am sick to death of socks. Like living on ice cream and pizza (which I practicably do) I have realised that the joy of donning a new pair of socks, mainly comes from the novelty of it. But it’s not that I’m just getting jaded by the old hat-ness of a new pair of daily socks, I find that fresh footwear also adds a mental dilemma to every morning.

I have a huge hamper of socks. (That’s another thing, every shopping trip is now a scouting expedition for affordable hosiery.) Some socks are very nice, like the gorgeous Sockshop’s Colour Burst range and some are dirt cheep, like M&S’s value range at 25 pence per foot. Now I don’t want to waste a good pair of socks on an ordinary day where I am just going to be dossing around the house, nor do I want to be caught out at an unexpected business meeting trying to hide 50 pence worth of nylon around my ankles. This means that every morning I have to predict what that day is going to be worth and I am finding that my choices are becoming self fulfilling prophesies. I’m sure yesterday would have been a better day if I had only splashed out on a better pair of socks but I also know that if I force it and put on a fine pair of socks and the day develops into an ‘any old kind of day’ then I’ll go to bed feeling like a failure.

But these are the burdens I have placed on myself and my feet. I’ll not give in to the temptation of used socks, or worse, barefooted-ness. But please keep me in mind when you are down on one knee – doing up your laces.

John L

That’s No Reason to Throw Things

31,January, 2008


Today I am wearing National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children socks. When you buy a pair of these from The Sock Shop they will donate 25% to the charity. Nadene gave them to me and they are nice socks but I don’t like the NSPCC. Now before you think I hate children as well as cats I want to stress that I am sure the NSPCC does sterling and necessary work and despite what my son might tell you, I am not in favor of being cruel to children. I dislike this group because they were host to one of the worst deaths I have ever had on stage.

The Grovner House Hotel on Park Lane is one of London’s finest hotels. The largest ballroom there was once an exhibition ice skating rink. It now can seat up to 2000 guests around tables. It’s a blip hanger of a room and every comedian I know has died there at least once.


Before I was asked to do the free show for the NSPCC, I was the only comedian I knew that had always done well in the Great Room. The secret was that I always made sure that the sound, the staging and the lighting were perfect. When the woman from the NSPCC asked me to perform at the event she assured me that her production team was top notch – she lied.

I should have just left when I saw the unlit, six inch high stage and I definitely should have walked away when the microphone made my voice sound like a train announcer with a kazoo but being a prima donna is not one of my skills.

If NCPCC audience had just ignored me then that would have been fine and I would probably be happy to wear their socks but at this event something else happened. On all of the tables were free gifts for the guests: pen’s, disposable cameras, key-chains and – foam stress balls. Now, I know audiences don’t like to be shouted at by a performer that they can’t see or understand but that’s no reason to throw things. One yob threw his stress ball and clocked me square in the forehead. This seemed to the rest of the eight hundred people in the room to be a fun thing to do.

I tell this to you so you can enjoy the mental picture of me slowly walking off a stage, with my head held high, while being pelted with hundreds of pink foam balls. Everyone who has heard the tale thinks it is very funny, so I tell it for you – enjoy. As for me, even though it happened over five years ago, I still don’t see the humour in it. It makes me want to go to a playground and hit small children with sticks. I ‘m glad I don’t have to wear my NSPCC socks again.

I had a proper business meeting.

12,January, 2008

I find it hard to wear socks that cost more then a pound on days where I am not even leaving the house. Yesterday I had a proper business meeting in central London with the production company that is flying me out to Cape Town SA to do a performance for a major car company. (Volkswagen would probably be upset if I mentioned the car company’s name.) So I decided to don a pair of maroon socks from the SockShop’s Colour Burst range.

(Socks Nadene bought me.)

The SockShop’s website sports an amazing variety. It is colourful, informative (it even has a history of hosiery) and it’s very easy to use. The Colour Burst range is a £3 sock with 20% off orders of three or more. It’s mostly cotton with a dash of lycra. They are fine socks that I imagine will last long past the first wearing. Not that I will ever find that out.

Today I’m wearing another Sock Shop sold sock (say that ten times real fast) The Jeff Banks Hastings Horizontal Stripe Socks. Good value at fiver for two and they feel as good as they look.

Yes, I am a pasty white man.