Things Learned While Painting

My lovely REFOL Nadene is decorating while I am slaving away on a cruise ship here in the Caribbean. (I actually have to work two nights in these ten days.) She sent me this email that you guys have to read:


I Just wanted to share the joy/relief I am feeling at finishing the bathroom or PROJECT – OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I STARTED as it became known. Is it wrong of me to want to crack open a vodka at 11am?

I learnt many things whilst completing this project.

1. When the paint salesman says ‘buy this paint – it’s great you only need to do one coat‘ you should multiply ‘one’ by four for accuracy.

2. When the paint salesman says ‘ Naaaah you don’t need to dilute it‘ – dilute it.

3. Someone who almost failed kindergarten for not being able to color within the lines should definately use masking tape when using 2 different colored paints next to one another.

4. Painting with your head right next to a toilet is some of the fastest painting you will ever do.

5. There are some really rancid smelling toilet rinse aids out there

6. When throwing out rancid smelling toilet rinse aids – use the outside bin as overnight the smell permeates the house and is not nice to wake up to.

7. Carrot sticks and toilet freshners do not go well together (no matter what the recipie says)

8. When the paint salesman says ‘No you won’t need any more paint than this – this will probably do 2 coats – even though you only need one!’ see number 1 and what he is really saying is this tin won’t even last you one single coat which will precipitate you ringing 7 hardware stores around London on Easter Sunday until eventually you will find 2 stores that are open – one close to where you live that doesn’t have that particular paint in that color or one that stocks that paint way way way across the other side of town that does!

9. Always check your face in the mirror before entering the public domain after painting.

10. Yes for some reason you do use water based paint in a bathroom.

11. Just because it is water based doesn’t mean it comes off your skin.

12. If you have been painting and drinking tea at the same time – the white blobby stuff at the bottom of your mug is probably not part of the biscuit you were dunking.

13. if there is some place that it would be really really bad to dribble paint – then perhaps you should cover it up.

14. When painting one large glass of red wine goes a long way (unlike paint)

15. Really packing as much paint onto the roller as possible means you can paint faster and longer.

16. When painting ceilings – paint does abide by the laws of gravity.

17.Best not to apply rule 15 when doing ceilings

18.The ‘This is fun’ of painting doesn’t last as long as you might think.

One Response to “Things Learned While Painting”

  1. DJ Kirkby Says:

    Too hilarious! can’t stop laughing… which could prove troublesome as I have a job interview in an hour! Must not think of this post at any time before or during the interview….MUST NOT!

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